


the bell is raised from its watery grave

by PandaFlower



Category: Naruto
Genre: Drunk Shenanigans, I am building this boat and no one can stop me, M/M, Pirates vs Ninjas, Setting Things on Fire, Slight kidnapping for ransom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-07 22:29:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17969243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PandaFlower/pseuds/PandaFlower
Summary: Tobirama meets the man who sweeps him off his feet on a ship to Uzushio(And by swept, he means being kidnapped)





	the bell is raised from its watery grave

**Author's Note:**

> THERE NEEDS TO BE MORE NIDAIME SHENANIGANS.

Tobirama loved the horizon out at sea; that sense of blue stretching out into forever to swallow the sun with blazing oranges, and reds and purples, the soothing rock of a creaky ship lulling him to dreamless sleep, the distance from so many life signatures pressing on his awareness, and the comfort of vast quantities of water so close at hand. It was home to him, even beyond his familiar forests and his compound thrumming with his loved one’s bright chakra. The sea was — and probably always will be — his first love for all that duty binds him to land and kin, though he refuses to regret this.

Which is why when an unexpected letter from Uzu arrived by albatross, Tobirama had all but leapt to go.

What Tobirama does not love is being chained up in the filthy brig of the ship of some Water country _pirate_ calling himself a shinobi, being dubiously entertained by sea shanties drunkenly caterwauled overhead. And fuck, they just kept going. Not for the first time, Tobirama tried to slam his head against the wall hoping to drown out the noise, or at least knock himself out.

 _“Oooh, a captain’s life seems elegant,”_ came the muffled wail, _“with far more booze than regiment!”_

“Clearly,” Tobirama gritted, having been reduced to talking at nothing and no one for lack of anything better to do. Truly, this was how he was going to lose his precious brain cells. Not by Hashirama’s incessant babbling about stupid ideas, or Touka dragging him out drink and/or the training fields to grind his nose in the dirt, or even an Uchiha catching him in a final genjutsu. No, it would be this…form of torture.

_“He’s required to provide...for all the crew aboard!”_

“More than he already has you mean?” He muttered sarcastically, trying to scooch back just one millimeter more to touch the wall better. Having been chained to the middle of the floor he could just barely manage a love tap against the wall if he strained full length. Not at all conducive to blessed, merciful unconsciousness. The floor was no good either, someone had _oh so thoughtfully_ layered anywhere he could reach with thick padding; presumably because it doubled as his bed, more usefully, it prevented self-harm. That, plus the length of the chain, and his wrists being held so close, meant he also couldn’t lay on his back without difficulty or otherwise mess with the chakra suppressing tag between his shoulder blades.

_“When provisions are running short, and the ship is far from port, the Cap himself must sacrifice for all the crew aboard!”_

“Good. _Eat him_. The bastard.” Tobirama gave up straining against the chains for the moment. He was going to start cutting into his own flesh at this rate, and contrary to civilian movies, all trying to lubricate your bonds with blood would do is make your skin swell until there was no more give at all. And these manacles especially so; the seals on them ensured they molded to his wrists and prevented squirming out. Which tells him this ship has transported shinobi prisoners before. Damn. Damn and blast.

_“There’s no rum in the Captain’s barrel, there’s rum on the Captain’s table, and rum in the Captain’s crew!”_

Tobirama rolled his eyes. “That I believe.”

_“So buy the Captain rum!”_

Tobirama groaned and collapsed forward onto his makeshift pad-bed. It wasn’t enough to be bored in captivity, oh no, they were going to make him long for death before they even finished figuring out who to ransom him to. Brilliant.

_“There’s no rum in the Captain’s barrel, there’s rum on the Captain’s table, and rum in the Captain’s crew!”_

Fuck, if only he could cover his ears. This was the most godawful sea shanty he’d ever been subjected to and then some, and he’s heard some real hair-curlers from Uzushio sailors. He hoped every single one of those Water pirates masquerading as screaming goats choked on their vomit in their sleep. Twice.

_“So buy the Captain rum!”_

“I get it already!” Tobirama snarled, surging up and yanking hard enough on the chains to make his shoulders protest. “He’s a magnanimous bastard who let you get soused on his ryo! _Shut up!"_

And the bastard himself was paused awkwardly on the stairs leading into the brig, the kind of unsure look on his face that said he was wondering if he should just leave before he was noticed crumpling into a wince. “Oh man, this is so awkward,” he muttered.

“Go fuck yourself,” Tobirama said, angry and clipped, baring his teeth as the chorus ended and a new set of off-tune lyrics began.

_“He opens up his lighter, fair, and from his barrels he must prepare, intoxicants of the finest sort for all the crew aboard!”_

“Hey, hey, no need for that,” Hozuki grinned, bright and annoying and enough to make Tobirama want to claw his stupid face off. More than it already had been at any rate, he noted, eyeing the shredded excuse for a mustache and lack of eyebrows.

“Apologies,” Tobirama said flatly. “Go fuck yourself _amateurishly._ ”

“Wow, I think this is the first time someone ever told me to have mediocre sex as an insult.” Hozuki blinked, naked brow ridge rising. “I mean, I’ve gathered a respectable plethora of go fuck yourself with insert object meant to be painful, and the more common, plain go fuck yourself which leaves room for enjoyment. But being amateurish at fucking myself? That’s a special kind of contempt right there. I think I’m impressed.”

“Great,” Tobirama said. “Go shove that up your ass too while you’re at it.”

“Think I’ll pass.” Hozuki said ruefully. “I haven’t had nearly enough alcohol for drunk dick to ruin my fun.”

And, now Tobirama needed brain bleach. That was way more personal than he ever wanted to get with this infuriating bastard. A faint chorus of _‘Buy the Captain rum!’_ helpfully kept his temper stoked.

“What are you doing down here then?” Tobirama demanded. “Come to brag?”

Hozuki crossed his arms in his voluminous sleeves and leaned against the doorway, mouth pursed thoughtfully, saying eventually, “I’m curious.”

“About?” Tobirama prodded impatiently. He refused to entertain stupid games.

“The things one’s usually curious about you, I guess.” Hozuki shrugged, as if that wasn’t infuriatingly vague. He added, more helpfully, “They say you can pull a tidal wave out of thin air even in Wind country. I didn’t even realize how cool that is until I left Water country for the first time; the visibility is great out here! And Wind country; phew! Thought my face was going to crack off my first visit there.”

“I can also pull the blood out of your body; would you like a demonstration?” Tobirama said flatly.

“A worthy honor, to be sure, but to accept seems premature at this time of my life. I have so much to accomplish yet,” Hozuki replied with a solemn smile that belied the twinkle in his eye.

“A pity, to be sure,” Tobirama said sardonically. “Think of all the times you won’t get drunk if you died now.”

“Ah, you wound me with your assumptions!” Hozuki guffawed. “Is what I would say if they hurt at all! Come on, you can do better than that.”

That is so clearly a goad but Tobirama is just angry enough to both want to rise to the challenge _and_ be petty about it. “Did your face hurt when you tried to wax your mustache but got your eyebrows instead? Oh, wait, don’t tell me, you were drunk then too.”

“There’s nothing wrong with my facial hair!” Hozuki burst out, stomping closer to kick the bars. “I’m handsome, damn it! You take that back, and apologize this instant!”

Tobirama bared his teeth. “I never apologize.”

Hozuki pointed a furious finger right in his face, mouth opening to make another, no doubt ridiculous, demand. It didn’t matter. His hand was through the bars, _in range._ Tobirama lunged, clamping his teeth on a pale, bony wrist, and dug in.

Hozuki shrieked; jerking his arm, trying to tug it away without doing it further injury. “Oh my gods, you savage!”

 _Bold words from a Mizu pirate,_ Tobirama mentally rolled his eyes, digging in his teeth until flesh began to give way, warm blood spilling— wait. That’s not blood. The slick bland taste of oil coated his mouth as Hozuki’s arm became liquid and pulled away. Tobirama gagged immediately, spitting desperately.

“I can’t believe you bit me!” Hozuki exclaimed, voice high, as his arm reforms. “That’s so gross!”

“Don’t just stand there whining!” Tobirama snarled. “Get me something to rinse my mouth out!”

“You’re fine, I didn’t leave anything behind!”

“Doesn’t matter, I can still taste it. I am not swallowing anything that came out of you!” Tobirama hissed, now trying to rub his mouth on his shoulder.

“Ehm, not the smartest choice of words—”

“ _Get. Moving._ ”

“Okay, okay!” Hozuki fumbled a hip flask out of his belt and tossed it over. Thankfully, it was a pop cap so he wouldn’t have to deal with the added humiliation of asking the oily moron to open it for him. The smell of whatever it is was eye-searingly strong, but it cut through the oily taste which was all that mattered.

It also cut through his sinus’ but at this point it’s just par for the course.

“Are you going to give that back?” Hozuki inched closer to the bars, arms kept tucked to his chest.

Tobirama hissed.

“Okay! Geeze! Keep it!” Hozuki skittered backwards, heel catching on the stairs and nearly sending him flailing over. “I’m leaving, I can see you don’t want company.”

Tobirama sneers a parting shot he doesn’t pay much attention to, more occupied with trying not to smirk at the nearly full flask of high proof alcohol. Ten to one odds it was out and out moonshine. It certainly _tasted_ close to ethanol.

Little known trivia about sealing; ink is alcohol soluble

Goodbye, chakra suppressing tag. Hello, freedom.

* * *

Crouched among stores of barrels, chakra pulled in low and tight, Tobirama conceded he may have spoken too soon. And, he sniffed delicately, picking out the briny aromas of various pickled things, possibly picked the smelliest hiding spot that wasn’t the bilge. In his defense, he’d thought the sailor sprawled out on the pile of ropes was passed out too deep from drink to have to worry about him suddenly clawing awake to pee. A lesson learned for next time.

Taking advantage of the bleary-eyed, clearly half-insensate state of the sailor shambling past, Tobirama slinked out from behind the barrels and up the stairs, hanging onto caution by a fingernail, just enough to pause and peek out over the rim to survey the deck. It’s quiet. Soused pirates sprawled every which way amid bottles galore. Some of them, seemingly in the middle of drinking. The deck was puddled with spilled alcohol, the smell pungent enough to drown out the scent of sea salt with his nose this close to the deck.

Carefully, quietly, Tobirama eases off the stairs, thanking his lucky stars this crew was at least conscientious enough of the ship’s maintenance that the steps don’t creak. A few quick steps take him to the side of the ship, the railing hemming in a puddle of some kind of swill indistinguishable in smell from the rest. Tobirama lightly swings a leg, preparing to jump.

A blade touches his throat, and he stills.

“I knew you’d try to escape,” Hozuki practically smirks audibly. Literally. Tobirama can _hear_ it in his voice. “The amount of alcohol that gets splashed around on a ship, you think I didn’t have an inkling what you were planning? Give me a little credit, Senju. It’s almost enough to hurt my feelings.”

Tobirama should have taken his chances down below and squirmed out a canon port, or something. Shambling sailor or no sailor. What did he care if he had to put a hole in the ship to get out? Next time, he was disregarding stealth for Uchiha stealth, no matter how galling.

“Almost only counts in explosive tags and jutsus,” Tobirama huffed, peeved at being caught so swiftly. “You were hiding as a puddle, weren’t you? That seems...unsanitary.”

Hozuki pressed the knife a hair harder, coaxing Tobirama to swing his leg back around and back away from the railing. “Eh, the deck’s freshly swabbed. And no one’s vomited on the deck yet, which is kind of a minor miracle. I’m really thanking my lucky stars here. Plus, I don’t absorb additional alcohol when I’m in liquid form, so it works out in my favor. I am, in fact, far more sober than I want to be to deal with this.”

“Oh, how terribly inconvenient for you, dealing with an escaping prisoner,” Tobirama drawled, laying on the sarcasm as thick as a muggy summer’s day. “It’s not like you brought this on yourself or anything, heavens forbid. Why, if I didn’t think it’d tax your poor brain beyond its capacity to reason I might even suggest letting me go so you _don’t_ have to deal with this.”

To his surprise, Hozuki _laughs._

That...generally wasn’t a good sign.

“You’re terribly mouthy!” Hozuki said, as if it were delightful somehow and not patent proof of Tobirama’s inability to not make things harder for himself. It seems all the previous awkwardness of their prior conversation had been forgotten. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“What were you expecting?”

“The rumors paint you so coldly; I thought you’d be more dead inside. Instead you’re so...fiery. I like it!”

“Ask me how much I care what you like,” Tobirama suggested not so nicely, but Hozuki just laughs again a guides him backwards, step by step, across the ship and around the bodies of drunken sailors. Hozuki is smart enough to keep him at arm’s length the whole way, staying out of elbowing range.

“I’m a pirate; we’re not generally the asking type.” Hozuki had the gall to sound faintly apologetic about it too. “Generally, we just make our opinions known. I might make an exception for you though.”

Oh, _hell no._

“You did not just try to flirt at me,” Tobirama hissed.

“No? No takers?” Hozuki asked. Tobirama can’t see his face but he can picture just fine the twinkling eyes in a solemn mien practically taunting him. “Watch your step; stairs incoming. Just put your hand on— yes, that railing there. Was that a little inappropriate there? My bad. There’s just something about your barely contained bloodlust that gets me a bit excited, like I might die any second now. It’s kinda exhilarating!”

“You’re insane,” Tobirama said flatly. “You’re a pirate, you can’t shave for shit, and you’re insane.”

“Well now you’re just trying to be hurtful again.” There’s a thunk of boot on wood and the sound of a door creaking open heralded the captain’s quarters. How lovely. From one dark room to another, with bonus idiot. If rest of the night had _any_ mercy, Tobirama would learn something juicy from any stray papers scattered on the desk that he can, who knows, give to Uzushio when he, you know, _finally gets out of here._

Oh, a candle. _Idea…_

Out of the corner of his eye he sees Hozuki reach out to hook a heavy chair with his ankle and _moves,_ lurching backwards, letting himself fall away from the knife and into the pirate captain. Hozuki stumbles, his outstretched leg goes sliding and tangles with the chair, and he goes pitching to the floor with a yelp. Tobirama rolls mid-fall and lands on the pirate with one hand locked on the wrist of the hand holding the knife, and other wrapped around Hozuki’s throat.

Hozuki just gives him a cheeky smile and dissolves under his grip. Tobirama cursed, scrambled upright, but apparently Hozuki can reorient himself as a puddle faster than Tobirama gave him credit for as the water disappears and a warm weight drapes against his back, blade back to his throat.

“Well now, isn’t this familiar?” Hozuki grins against Tobirama’s ear.

“Somehow, I’m missing the nostalgia of digging my teeth into your flesh,” Tobirama retorted, then let his voice drop, breathy, “Shall I demonstrate for you?”

Hozuki shivered. “Uh—”

Rhetorical question. Tobirama reaches for the water in Hozuki’s body and _pulls,_ intending to put an end to this once and for all—

Predictably, Hozuki dissolves entirely, his own chakra fighting Tobirama’s hold.

Tobirama dropped him in disgust. So be it. At least he got a kunai out of it.

“That was bracing,” Hozuki remarked, propped up on his elbows with his legs akimbo, if blinking a little too rapidly. “You must be fun at parties.”

“‘Fun’ isn’t the word people typically use if I pull that at a party.” Tobirama braced a hand on the desk behind him, the long day and late hour catching up after the furious burst of activity. “‘Party pooper’, I think, is the general sentiment they toss about. Loudly. Emphatically. In tears. You get the picture.”

“Ha! They’ve clearly never been to a party in Mizu!” Gengetsu guffawed, then dragged himself into the chair that was his brief undoing. “It’s not a real shindig if someone doesn’t show off a magnificently deadly jutsu. What boring little lives they must lead.” Gengetsu gives him a sharp smile. “How very lucky for you I took you away from those boring people. We’re much more fun to hang out with.”

“Don’t act like you did me a favor!” Tobirama snarled, fist clenching on the kunai. “You kidnapped me for ransom, nothing more, nothing less!” And even just thinking it still makes him burn with shame. A lifetime of fighting Uchiha and yet, he still walked face first into an illusion none the wiser.

“Is it really kidnapping if you board of your own free will?” Gengetsu asks, only to be hissed at, so he switched tracks. “Oh come on, have a heart for an honest man down on his fortune. I’m just trying to make a living here, same as anyone. Just think of it as a nice vacation from your worldly cares, eh?”

Tobirama advanced on him, fuming, “You’re as honest as undertow and just as trustworthy. _Pirate._ ”

Hozuki frowned in mock hurt. “As if you’re so different. _Shinobi._ ” Quick as whip he swept his foot out and hooked it around Tobirama’s ankle. In the midst of his stumble Hozuki yanked him onto his lap. Tobirama shoved the kunai under his chin in retaliation.

“ _I_ get _paid_ to go marauding.” Tobirama sniffed. “ _You_ on the other hand do half your work... _pro bono._ ”

“ _Hurtful!_ ” Hozuki gasped. “I would never be so gracious as to do anything for _free!_ Why, the very idea!” Then he paused, thoughtful, so Tobirama jammed the kunai higher before he could say something else bloodboilingly inane.

“Is this where you make another pithy comment about making an exception for me?” Tobirama asked sweetly, eyes narrowed.

“Well, you are very exceptional,” Hozuki manages.

They must grow them crazy in Mizu, Tobirama thinks, brow twitching with the sheer force of his annoyance. His gaze flickers past Hozuki’s ear for a split second and he disguises it by looking away entirely, as if in disgust. The candle is on the desk behind Hozuki, unlit, of course, you didn’t leave fire unattended and especially not on a ship, but it was just _slightly_ out of reach from his position if he judged the distance right. Now how to grab it without alerting the good captain here…

Oh, _idea._

Tobirama favored Hozuki with a sly smile, who, to his credit, immediately looked wary at the sudden shift. Good. He should be.

“I feel very exceptional,” Tobirama agreed lightly, shifting on Hozuki’s lap for a better vantage. If he’s maybe a little careless with where he presses, well— he only has one hand free.

“Uh, I shouldn’t answer that.” Hozuki makes a choked noise when Tobirama deliberately shifts again, knee pressing into the junction of hip and thigh. “Can you move your knee a little?”

In response, Tobirama leans forward instead, pressing Hozuki’s head back with delicate focus. “You’re surprisingly agreeable like this,” he mused.

Hozuki choked again, this time on laughter. “Boy, I’ve heard that before! You sure you don’t want to come to Mizu with me? I have a feeling you’d fit right in after a few days.”

Tobirama hummed, either in thought or just conversationally. He leaned close enough to drape an arm on the back of the chair, close enough to share breath with the extremely irritating pirate who was even now going a bit flushed and wide-eyed. Amusing. And almost flattering. Had they met under different circumstances Tobirama might have been a lot more receptive to the offer to stick around a bit. Ah well, that’s that and this is now.

And now is a soft mouth that still tastes of sharp moonshine. A quick, surprised gasp that melts into a pleased hum. A hand relaxing the press of a blade like the promise of surrender while the other fomented treachery out of sight.

Like this, the candle is well within reach and Hozuki _very_ well distracted. Shinobi or no, a drunk man simply didn’t do ‘high alert’.

Tobirama would ensure it stung.

Stupid clam summons.

A shame, really, the man was a pretty decent kisser after all.

A spark of chakra lit the wick and Tobirama brought it to the back of Hozuki’s head with almost— no, actually it was all wicked glee. And absolutely no remorse. The man could just turn into water and be fine, if singed and a little bald afterwards.

It was the documents on the desk that were about to take the brunt of Tobirama’s ire.

Owing to the strength of the alcohol, Hozuki actually took a few seconds to notice anything. When he did, he yelped and bucked hard enough to send Tobirama tumbling off his lap. Tobirama let the candle slip his grip onto a pile of papers as he went, rolling to his feet, heart beating in anticipation.

Hozuki didn’t disappoint.

Once he stopped yelping, and flailing at his hair, and biting out half-aborted incensed statements of _pretty predictable betrayal,_ he finally noticed the bonfire slowly growing on his desk with loud dismay. Tobirama took the opportunity to shoot a water bullet at the nearest window and blow out the panes. The sudden influx of fresh air stoked the fire higher, conveying, quite clearly, that trying to pat it out would be an exercise in stupidity.

“Seriously?” Hozuki demanded, gesturing emphatically at the flaming desk.

“Seriously,” Tobirama replied. “You brought this on yourself, Hozuki.”

“I just, you—!” Hozuki dragged a hand down his face with a groan. “Call me Gengetsu. You set me on fire; I think that puts us on a first name basis.”

“I think I’m well on my way to setting your _ship_ on fire,” Tobirama pointed out.

Gengetsu yelped again, the small bonfire consuming his documents having caught on his desk varnish and rapidly growing. Gengetsu pointed a finger at the mess and— Huh, interesting, a water bullet of some kind. All it did was blow a hole in the desk and scatter burning splinters about. Helpfully, Tobirama smashed the window further by taking a running leap out, hitting the sea with a jutsu building in his hands to send a particularly high wave through what was left of the smashed window. There. He _helped._

And if it happened to garner more shrieking then, well, that was just a happy bonus, wasn’t it?

With a satisfied grin, Tobirama took off at a dead sprint, not slowing until the ship had disappeared on the horizon. Only then did he slow, close his eyes, and feel around for the bright, steady glow of Uzushio in the distance to orient him.

Tobirama had an appointment to make.


End file.
